my brother is getting married and i’m so excited to fulfill my destiny as the embarrassing drunk gay sister who flirts with the bride for the entire ceremony
i’m gonna yell “RUN AWAY WITH ME” to her during the vows
there are people out there genuinely worried that I’m gonna steal my brother’s bride away the day of their wedding… i’m laughing. I’ve known her since I was born, we just love annoying the shit out of my brother and this “you picked the wrong sibling” joke has been going on for as long as I can remember. The whole family is in on it. The three of us are super close, she’s always been family. Also we are really bad at romantic weddings (my Mom wore jeans at my Dad’s and hers, signed a bunch of papers and then got blackout drunk), and my brother and his girlfriend probably won’t even have a “real” ceremony, just a celebration between friends and family. I love my brother and he already knows I’m gonna pull some stupid stunt, it’s what we do. His girlfriend is usually the one to initiate these shitty jokes, I wouldn’t be surprised if she was the one to stop the “ceremony” to say some shit like “WAIT THIS IS THE WRONG SIBLING”. please don’t take any of this seriously lmao
that said, i’m definitely showing up half naked to her bachelorette party as the “surprise stripper” with a sash that says “the sibling your should be marrying” and a shitty plastic tiara
UPDATE:
1) for people confused about the “I’ve known her since I was born (…) she’s always been family”: She’s the granddaughter of our parents’ neighbors, we all grew up together and my brother and her have been in love since they were babies. He held her hand as she made her first steps, they even have a picture on their wall of the moment before she first tried to get up
2) IT’S OFFICIAL, I’M GONNA BE MY BROTHER’S BEST MAN. AND YOU KNOW WHAT THE BEST MAN DO? A SPEECH. Everything is going according to plan.
an apple can be used for a simple house blessing; cut an apple in half, and eat one half in your home. place the other outside, in the backyard or front porch, as an offering to good spirits for protection and warm energy.
bay leaves can be placed in the corners of a room to banish evil from it and protect those within it.
a cactus can be grown near a house to offer strong protection; even stronger protection is gained by planting cacti at all for corners of the home.
planting catnip in the garden, or hanging it above your door, will attract good spirits and good luck.
chamomile can be sprinkled about in the home to break curses and unwanted spells cast on or in the home.
cilantro brings peace and harmony to a home.
clover can be sprinkled around a home to banish unwanted spirits.
garlic can be hung in a home to bring its inhabitants closer together.
ivy plants can be hung to deter unwanted guests.
lavender can be burned and its ashes sprinkled about to cultivate rest and tranquility within the home.
orange peel can be placed in windowsills to bless the house with angel and sun energy.
peppermint can be burned as a smoke cleanser to remove illness and negative energy from a new home.
a sprig of pine can be hung in the home to bless it and its inhabitants.
sachets of saffron can bring happiness to the home.
thyme burned or hung inside brings good health to its residents.
